Honor Thy Mother
and Father
My
flight landed in Raleigh, NC on Saturday, February 6, 2016. I had planned a week’s vacation to spend time
with my parents. On the agenda, was an
appointment with an elder law attorney to get their estate planning documents in
order. Dad is 84 and has multiple
chronic illnesses. Mom is 74 and in
relatively good health. Mom had slowly
become dad’s primary caregiver. During the
past year, my parents had started to give cues that continuing to live in their
two-story home was becoming too much for mom to manage. We just had to listen.
A
few weeks prior to my arrival, discussions had started on the different living
options. My parents thought it would be
a good idea to have a family meeting, to discuss their options. This turned out to be very valuable in our pre-planning
processes; everyone contributed different ideas and suggestions and we compiled
our personalized checklist for touring different senior communities. I thought it was important for mom to see and
understand the different levels of care provided at the different
communities. Our first stop was at a
personal care community. After talking
with the staff and viewing the community, it was clear that this was too
restrictive of an environment for them; they did not require this level of
care.
We
were then able to focus our time on touring five different independent senior
communities. Without the checklist we
never would have remembered all of the details of each community. My dad was able to tour two of the communities,
and he fell in love with the very first one, which turned out to be the one
they selected. We shared our findings
with the rest of the family and by Thursday we had our second family discussion
about moving forward.
The
community they selected included moving services where they “packed, moved, and
unpacked” new residents. My brother and
his wife took charge of the items that remained in the home, after the move. My sister and her husband were the most
experienced in handling real estate, so they took charge of selling or leasing
my parents’ home.
By
the end of February, my parents were in their new home; an apartment in an
all-inclusive, resort-style community, developed exclusively for adults 55 and
over. Their new home has two bedrooms,
two bathrooms with walk-in showers, a full kitchen, washer and dryer, all
utilities, including high-speed internet, 24/7 professional staff, medical
alert system, concierge services, free scheduled transportation, freedom dining,
room service, valet parking, weekly housekeeping, maintenance staff, secure
access for safety, health & wellness programs, daily social invitations
& activities, shopping & outings, fitness center, a stadium seating theatre, library, computer center,
and on-site banking services, pharmacy/gift shop, salon/barber, and caregiver
agency. It reminded me of a cruise ship.

Each
Friday night, the community has a happy hour.
My sister and her husband enjoy this event with our parents. One of her recent texts said, “Dad is a
different person. He is singing,
dancing, laughing and talking to everyone.”
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